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September 30, 2008


Brad Jacobson

Leaked Memo of McCain Camp's Future Hail Marys

QB Sneak

LOL! IF Obama invested nougat and beer nuts I'd vote for him twice.


I like "Lorne Doone" the best. Several folks have gone with a similar theme - polls, top ten lists, etc. but I don't think any in memo form!

Mickey McMoose

McCain offers each and every taxpayer his or her very own roll of certificates of ownership of the securities Hank Paulson got such a deal on, printed on tissue paper.

McCain announces that Sarah Palin will play dual role of Vice President and Fox News anchor.

McCain starts wearing an Afro wig, and hires Nipsy Russel as campaign spokesman.

McCain floats giant weathers baloons painted in likeness of Vlaydimir Putin's head over strategic cities along the western seaboard


By Gawd, man! How can we fight that? I, for one, will not be able to stop myself from voting McGrumpybritches/Bible Spice on the day.


Johnny B. Goode!

Deep down in Arizona close to Mexico
Way back up in the cactuses where it never snows
There stood an ancient mansion made of gold and wood
Where lived a a corrupt politician named Johnny B Goode
Who’d never learned the difference between Sunni or Shia so well
But he could pretend to chase Osama to the gates of Hell

Go! Go! Go! Johnny!
Go! Go! Go! Johnny!
Go! Go! Go! Johnny!
Go! Go! Go! Johnny!
Go! Go! Johnny B. Goode!

He used to carry his bribe money in a gunnysack
Go sit beneath a tree and count his Keating kickbacks
Old lobbyist on K street would see him sittin’ in the shade
Laughing at the doubletalk and flip flops he made
The people passed him by they would stop and say
Oh my but that little old mummy really hates the gays

Go! Go! Go! Johnny!
Go! Go! Go! Johnny!
Go! Go! Go! Johnny!
Go! Go! Go! Johnny!
Go! Go! Johnny B. Goode!

Once upon time the state of Arizona couldn’t host a superbowl
Because it was legislated by a group of white supremacist trolls
The bigots were led by an angry fascist who was a goose-stepping man
A millionaire, senator who belonged to the Klu Klux Klan
Johnny B Goode was a maverick when it came to recognizing MLK
So the old cracker donned his klan robe and voted against a holiday

Go! Go! Go! Johnny!
Go! Go! Go! Johnny!
Go! Go! Go! Johnny!
Go! Go! Go! Johnny!
Go! Go! Johnny B. Goode!

His mother told him someday you will be an old man
And you will be the leader of a murderous criminal clan
Many people will be blown to bits from miles around
To see you launch the nukes and take us all down
Maybe some day you will make mushroom clouds so bright
Sayin’ “Johnny B Goode pushed the button tonight”

Go! Go! Go! Johnny!
Go! Go! Go! Johnny!
Go! Go! Go! Johnny!
Go! Go! Go! Johnny!
Go! Go! Johnny B. Goode!


It's Lorna (not "Lorne") Doone if you're referring to the cookies. But maybe saying "Lorne" would be even more confusing to any questioner, and thus more effective. They'll think, "Wait, does he mean Lorne Greene? Lorne Michaels? WTF?" and by then it's too late.

Brad Jacobson

Nice catch, Kate! You are correct. Will edit. But the Lorne Greene, Lorne Michaels obfuscation technique sounds pretty effective too ;-)


Tactic: In next presidential debate, direct McCain to preface each comment with, "When I was a POW, I didn't have [fill in the blank]."

Strategy: STFU, I'm a war hero so I get to be president.


Great work, Brad. Really great.

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