NEW YORK – John Mark Karr, recently suspected of murdering six-year-old "beauty queen" JonBenet Ramsey, has been tapped to host his own MSNBC program. Set to replace the fledgling Scarborough Country in the new fall lineup, Karr’s Korner will follow Keith Olbermann’s Countdown at 9 p.m. EST.
The announcement of Karr’s program received a predominantly positive reaction in news stations across the country. While critics believe this was orchestrated in response to Mr. Olbermann’s verbal body slam of Donald Rumsfeld and the Bush administration, most industry heavyweights applaud the bold move.
“To be honest, I wish I’d thought of it first,” said Fox News president Roger Ailes. “It’s truly a groundbreaking strategy by MSNBC. Talk about making the anchor the story. This blows the doors off that concept.” Ailes added, “The closest thing we have to a John Mark Karr is Geraldo Rivera.”
Though, after hearing of Karr’s show, Ailes has reportedly been in hot pursuit of the recently apprehended fugitive polygamist sect leader Warren Steed Jeffs, a former fixture on the FBI Ten Most Wanted list, who, like Karr, would come with a built-in audience. Ailes wouldn’t confirm reports he’s looking to create a show for Jeffs to follow The O’Reilly Factor, but an anonymous source at Fox News did admit, “Let’s just say Roger hopes that Mr. Jeffs is cleared of all charges as soon as possible.”
Karr is scheduled to appear Monday on Today in a segment with Matt Lauer, where he’ll promote his program, which he describes as “kind of a free form variety news extravaganza…yeah, I really love this show...I was there when it was conceived and I love it with all my heart…but I can’t talk about it more right now….it’s too difficult…” True to his word, Karr preceded to stare into oblivion while eating a dinner that consisted of a hearts of palm and avocado salad, sardines seared in a raspberry cognac reduction, barbequed medallions of smoked pork loin, curry-spiced basmati rice with almonds, and a lavender-infused white chocolate mousse for dessert.
David Brock, president of the terrorist-appeasing outlet Media Matters, noted, “Obviously someone got to management shortly after Keith’s broadcast. Dan Abrams [General Manager at MSNBC] was in the middle of cleaning house over there. Cutting down on the bottom feeders. Now we’re supposed to believe he suddenly gave Karr his own show right after he’s released on murder charges?” Brock, shaking his head, added, “Never mind the guy has zero journalism credentials and still faces child pornography charges.”
Though MSNBC’s Abrams refused to comment on whether Olbermann’s on-air White House spanking was in any way connected to Karr’s swift ascension, CNN president Jonathan Klein denied these allegations.
“What are you saying? That I received a call in the middle of the night by Dick Cheney? That he demanded I do something immediately to shift attention away from Olbermann’s critique and rising star or I’d have no choice but to fire him? That Cheney threatened to have me hog-tied and disappeared into Guantanamo after I’d be forced to publicly fake my own death? That he read back the transcript of what my wife and I discussed over dinner and complimented the array of family photos lining the stairwell in our home? Is that what you're saying? Well…that’s just conspiracy nonsense.” Klein went on, “Besides, how many nights in a row can people stomach Scarborough talking to Pat Buchanan about the illegals.”
In another coup by MSNBC, the first scheduled guest to appear on Karr’s Korner is none other than District Attorney Mary T. Lacy, the lead prosecutor in the JonBenet Ramsey case against Mr. Karr. Lacy now finds herself under fire after forcing the news media to follow the Karr case twenty-four hours a day for two weeks at the expense of stories that affect people’s lives.
“Had we known District Attorney Lacy was leading us on a wild goose chase,” said New York Times executive editor Bill Keller, “we most certainly would not have assigned thirteen of our best journalists to that story the day it broke, while dedicating just two to the latest court ruling on the administration’s NSA spying program. Her irresponsibility knows no bounds. Her lack of due diligence is simply contemptible.”
Comments