WASHINGTON, DC - With Senate Democrats already in retreat after attempting to impose an exit strategy in Iraq, White House senior advisor Karl Rove stepped up his attacks earlier today, accusing the Democratic Party of “paper-cutting and running.”
Speaking in Lynchburg, Tenn., to Republicans Against Tits (RAT), an undersexed think tank sworn to stanch the tide of exposed nipples in America, Karl Rove went on the offensive again. “The Democrats see war and ask, ‘Why?’ Republicans see war and ask, ‘Why not?’” he said to the wild applause of the militantly frumpy audience.
With the overwhelming unpopularity of Bush’s war in Iraq, the recent grim milestone of 2,500 dead U.S. soldiers and no end in sight to rapacious violence and spiraling civil war, Rove had ample opportunity to take it to the Democrats after they proposed an exit strategy but disagreed on the timetable. “First the Democrats want to cut and run before achieving victory. But now they can’t even agree on when to cut and run. If you ask me, that’s more like paper-cutting and running. How these people decide what tie to wear in the morning is beyond me.”
Later, on CNN’s The Situation Room with Wolf Blitzer, Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist said, “If we could just put aside for the moment the idea of winning the war against the insurgents or, say, the War on Terror, Wolf. The Republicans are united in our tactical assault on the Democrats’ politically motivated willingness to walk away from a no-win quagmire. And I’m confident the American people understand this.”
On Hardball last night, host Chris Matthews called the Democrats “dead meat on a stick” if they think Americans won’t see them as “effete, Chardonnay-sipping, pinky-in-the-air holding sissy-pants” for requesting an actual exit plan in Iraq. “I think Bush comes off like a finely tailored Genghis Khan here. A real modern-day warrior who is not shaken by the blood of other people’s children. And you have to respect that kind of manly tenacity in the face of an unwinnable war.”
Some wondered if the Republicans have already won the 2006 elections based on weeklong blows to the Democrats’ testicles. Attending a fundraiser sponsored by Republicans Against Minimum (RAM) – an economics society that claims raising the minimum wage would only make poor people fatter - Senator Orin Hatch reasoned, “There’s only so much emasculation a party can take before it drops to its knees and weeps the tears of little girls and lost puppies.”
Critics complain that President Bush and the Republican Party have no plan for bringing U.S. troops home and point to polls showing the majority of Americans in favor of a timetable for withdrawal. Decorated war veteran Senator John Kerry, his own military record still under question, offered a plan for full troop withdrawal by July 2007. Said Kerry, “The Republicans and Karl Rove first say cut and run. Now paper-cutting and running. All right. But do you know what their plan is? I’ll tell you precisely what their plan is, and I won’t hesitate to allow the words to pass over my lips and reach your ears, ears that are eager for enlightenment. That much I can most certainly promise you. An oath, if you will, from me to you. And now I will no longer forestall my rather incisive rejoinder. So, here it goes, ready or not. Their plan is, without further adieu, ‘lie and die.’ That’s right, you heard me. Lie and die.” Kerry nodded. “That’s right, lie and die. Catchy, huh?”
The normally soft-spoken Senate Democratic Leader Harry M. Reid, appearing somewhat haggard and smelling faintly of gin and potato chips after a week of unsuccessfully prodding his fellow Democrats to reach common ground, showed some strain today outside the Capitol. “Look, I don’t even have the energy anymore. Are all of you guys in the press smoking monkey dust or something?” Walking away, Reid was heard muttering, “We get hit by al-Qaeda, we attack Iraq. Up is down. Left is right. Peace is war. What, are you f***ing kidding me?”
Following the devastating week of Democratic internal strife, National Republican Party Chairman Ken Mehlman suggested on Live with Regis and Kelly this morning that Democrats should cede all matters of the Iraq War to the Republicans. “Why fight it anymore?” Melhman said with a shrug. “They’re not a party that enjoys unnecessarily spilling the blood of young men and women. It’s a weakness. It’s maybe time they own up to it and focus on their other strengths.”
“Why fight it anymore?” Melhman said with a shrug. “They’re not a party that enjoys unnecessarily spilling the blood of young men and women. It’s a weakness. It’s maybe time they own up to it and focus on their other strengths.”
You really are a patriot :-)
Posted by: Vanessa M. | June 26, 2006 at 08:13 PM
Vanessa, are you hot?
Posted by: Dr. McLechery | July 13, 2006 at 03:38 PM