Polled: AP's Stupidest Poll Findings of the Primary Season

Polled, a new feature on MediaBloodhound, will cover the most inane polls from now through the November election and beyond.

Congratulations to the Associated Press for being the recipient of the inaugural post in Polled!

Here's the AP's lede in a story drawing striking conclusions from Democratic primary exit polls:

Add this to the divisive debate over race in the presidential campaign: Whites who said race was important in picking their candidate have been about twice as likely to back Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton as Sen. Barack Obama.

Exit polls of voters in Democratic primaries also show that whites who considered the contender's race — Clinton is white, Obama is black — were three times likelier to say they would only be satisfied with Clinton as the nominee than if Obama were chosen.

Imagine that. Whites who said race would be a deciding factor chose Clinton over Obama.

And just as shocking:

Eighty-eight percent of blacks who said race was an important factor voted for Obama, compared to 81 percent of those who said they did not consider race.

Now I'm no polling expert or statistical analyst, but I'd wager that the majority of, say, insecure, mean-spirited, male chauvinists who would call their wives a "cunt" are more likely to vote for Sen. John McCain. But is that noteworthy?

AP writer Alan Fram, who penned this most insightful article, notes:

The data is from exit polls in Democratic primaries conducted for The Associated Press and television networks in Alabama, Arkansas, Arizona, California, Connecticut, Delaware, Georgia, Illinois, Louisiana, Massachusetts, Missouri, Mississippi, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, Ohio, Oklahoma, Rhode Island, Tennessee, Texas, Utah and Vermont.

Clearly, however, no one told Fram - or his editors at the AP - that not every finding in every poll is worthy of an article. Or in some cases, such as this, even a sentence.

Here are some other data the AP failed to mention from these exit polls*:

• Members of the KKK are twice as likely to own a backup set of white sheets than are non-KKK members.

• Raving lunatics are more likely to believe little blue men are following them than realize they've lost touch with reality.

• Vegetarians consume roughly 100% less meat per year than do meat eaters.

• People who claim Kenny G. is a "great jazz musician" own considerably fewer recordings of John Coltrane, Miles Davis, Louis Armstrong and Charles Mingus, and most have undergone full lobotomies.

• A majority of men prefer waking to an alarm clock in the morning rather than being kicked in the testicles; while a predominance of women reported that childbirth is actually more painful than a pedicure.

* As difficult as it is to believe, everything up to this point was documented by the AP; what follows is satire.

Feel free to add some of your own surprising statistical findings in the comments.