MediaBloodhound

The Wounded-Courier: Charlie Black Plans Terror Attacks in Key Swing States

After critics questioned the appropriateness of John McCain's chief strategist, Charlie Black, saying a terrorist attack on American soil would benefit his candidate, yesterday Black took that notion one step farther.

Appearing on Today, Black told co-host Matt Lauer, "With Wednesday's Quinnipiac University poll showing Senator Obama leading in Pennsylvania, Ohio and Florida, we've redoubled our efforts regarding terror attacks here at home, from mere wishful thinking to targeted planning."

Lauer asked, "Just to be clear, you're not suggesting you're involved in orchestrating attacks on these states?"

"No, I'm not suggesting that, Matt. I'm telling you flat-out, Pennsylvania, Ohio and Florida can expect to be hit by the McCain campaign sometime between now and Election Day. We are taking this fight to Barack Obama and the American people. If Senator Obama is really tough on terror, then let's see if he can match our upcoming scheduled spectaculars. Personally, I don't think the anti-war senator from Illinois has it in him."

"Clearly some controversial straight talk from Charlie Black," replied Lauer. "Charlie, thanks for stopping by. I look forward to the barbecue this weekend."

But speaking to Wolf Blitzer on The Situation Room, CNN senior political reporter Candi Crowley questioned whether Black's latest statement was controversial at all.

"You know, Wolf, while some might chafe at the unvarnished quality of what Charlie Black said, it is true to the McCain campaign's straight talk on tough issues. I mean it's fair to say the Obama camp would never openly admit to planning terrorist attacks on those key swing states. And--"

"But Candi," interrupted Blitzer, "should a presidential candidate's campaign carry out such attacks on American citizens? Wouldn't these attacks be against the law?"

"Well, Wolf, I think that's up to the American people to decide if this is the right thing for the McCain camp to do. But I think many will admire the candor of Charlie Black here. And by disclosing their plans for attack now, Black and the McCain team will in the long run save untold lives in Ohio, Florida and Pennsylvania. People who otherwise would spend the day voting for their next president will remain home and safe from attack."

"Candi Crowley, part of the best political team on television, that is a good point."

"As to whether or not such terrorist attacks, in this context, are against the law, Wolf, we're really in uncharted territory here. We saw the first major divergence from presidential campaign rules when Barack Obama recently opted out of public financing, which many considered a major flip-flop. John McCain's team is now throwing an elbow of its own with these scheduled spectaculars in key battleground states. But Charlie Black shrewdly showed how they intend to be tough while keeping the shine on their straight-shooting brand." Crowley added, "Against the law? I'll leave that to legal scholars. But it's certainly good politics."

Asked to comment on Black's latest statement, John McCain told reporters in Muncie, Indiana, "Look, I'm not going to get all caught up in this daily game of gotcha. Are the gloves off? Sure they're off. We have a campaign to win. But I can't discuss specific strategies, such as the exact locations of our targets in Ohio, Florida and Pennsylvania. The only thing I can tell you is that it will not be another Vietnam - we will hit these battleground states will everything we have. Defeat is not an option."

In his column in the Washington Post today, George Will defended Charlie Black and his plan to capture those crucial states.

"Black and McCain are 'old school' in the best sense of such plebeian argot. As I've noted before, the first task of an occupation remains the first task of government: to establish a monopoly on violence. A tactical campaign of terror in these key swing states is an astute election season extension of this strategy. As Sun Tzu instructed, 'All men can see these tactics whereby I conquer, but what none can see is the strategy out of which victory is evolved.' Barack Obama's campaign can scoff all it wants at Black and McCain's adoption of al Qaeda tactics. In the end, however, Obama's elitist adherence to the rule of law may well spell his downfall. As the late great George Carlin said, "We like war." Whether on our own soil or in a distant land, explosions, gunfire and random acts of violence bind us as Americans. To deny this is to reject the American people outright, to lodge metaphorical shrapnel deep into the heart of our frontier soul."

Rumors that Osama bin Laden's lieutenant, Ayman al-Zawahiri, will officially join McCain's campaign just after the Republican National Convention have yet to be confirmed, but al-Zawahiri is scheduled to appear on ABC's The View next Wednesday.

"Will he join McCain's team?" co-host Whoopi Goldberg asked rhetorically today in announcing al-Zawahiri's upcoming guest spot. "How does he always look so well groomed? Is Casey Affleck a better actor than his older brother Ben? Iron Man or Hulk? Boxers or briefs? 'Iny' or 'outy'? This cat has a lot to tell us about, including his new book The Cave Diet: How to Lose Forty Pounds and Keep It Off While Evading American Authorities. You don't want to miss this."

[Ed. Note: This Wounded-Courier is dedicated to the memory of George Carlin.]

Exclusive Special Report: CBS' Kaplan Says Tiger's Injury "Of Major Importance"

On June 17, Lara Logan, CBS News' Chief Foreign Correspondent, had this exchange with Jon Stewart:

STEWART: Do you watch the news that we’re watching?

LOGAN: No.

STEWART: …in the United States? Do you see what we’re hearing about the war? So, we might actually know everything?

LOGAN: If I were to watch the news that you hear in the United States—I’d just blow my brains out because it would drive me nuts.

The following night, CBS Evening News spent the first four-and-a-half minutes of its broadcast on star golfer Tiger Woods' injury. (View full clip here.)

This is how anchor Russ Mitchell (filling in for Katie Couric) began this opening story, which accounted for, excluding commercials, nearly one quarter of the night's newscast: 

RUSS MITCHELL: Just two days after one of his greatest victories, the season is over for perhaps the biggest name in sports. Tiger Woods, the world's number one golfer, said today he needs reconstructive knee surgery to a pair of torn ligaments. It is a major blow for Woods and for the sport itself.

I contacted CBS and asked them how they not only justified making this their lead story but saw fit to devote nearly a quarter of their broadcast to it.

I received the following statement from Rick Kaplan, Executive Producer of CBS Evening News, who, I was also informed, had a direct hand in making this decision:

“The Tiger Woods injury story was of major importance and we felt we needed to devote time to it as the lead. Tiger is arguably one of the world’s premiere athletes and his career is in some jeopardy with Tiger halting playing the sport for the year. It was certainly the most talked about story of the day, and the biggest story in most national newspapers. Our story contained implications for sports, millions of fans, and many aspects of business; which have by and large been revolutionized by the Tiger Woods phenomenon.”

If you want to know why such thin gruel often passes for serious news on network television, Mr. Kaplan's statement perfectly underscores the warped priorities of corporate media.

In addition to subsequent Evening News reports that night on the disastrous floodwaters in the U.S., the debate over offshore drilling and the increasing cases of salmonella poisoning from tomatoes, all of which were deemed less pressing than news Woods had cut short his golf season (a story about a $200 hamburger arguably the only piece less newsworthy), here's a shortlist of stories of the day denied any airtime on the broadcast because Tiger's injury "was of major importance":

Israeli Defense Officials Confirm Cease-Fire with Hamas to Begin Thursday
Baghdad Insists on Right to Veto US Operations
Bill Extending Jobless Benefits Is Blocked By G.O.P.
Baghdad Blast Leaves 51 Dead, And the Shiites Call for Revenge
Notes Show Confusion on Interrogation Methods
One-Third of People Shot by Taser Need Medical Attention
Chinese Quake Toll, 69,172, Is Just a Guess
Senators Deny Knowing Of Home Loan Favoritism; Senate Ethics Panel Is Investigating
More Illegal Crossings Are Criminal Cases, Group Says
Conflicts Displacing More People
UN Says 5 Million Could Go Hungry in Zimbabwe Due to Drop in Food Production, High Inflation
Man with Deadly Skin Cancer Saved by New Treatment
Sudan: Darfur Groups Urge U.N. Action
US Targets Venezuela-Based Hezbollah Helpers
Taliban Take Afghan Villages In South in Prelude to Battle
Three Men Charged for Politkovskaya Murder: Investigators
New Florida Rules Return More Than 115,000 Ex-Offenders to Voting Rolls
Pakistani Fury Over U.S. Airstrikes Imperils Training of Frontier Force

In that same interview with Jon Stewart the previous night, CBS' Logan went on to further denounce American press coverage:

"Tell me the last time you saw the body of a dead American soldier. What does that look like? Who in American knows what that looks like? Because I know what that looks like, and I feel responsible for the fact that no one else does. ... And the soldiers do feel forgotten, they do. No doubt. From Afghanistan to Iraq, they absolutely feel -- you know, we may be tired of hearing about this five years later, they still have to go out and do the same job."

The very next night, her bosses chose to lead with a four-and-a-half minute story on an injured golf star.

Yesterday, the man in charge of CBS Evening News defended that decision without pause.

[Editor's Note: A special thanks to Bill W. and Nicole Belle over at Crooks and Liars for lassoing the full video of this story through RedLasso.com. (According to CBS, the piece online was edited due to rights restrictions on sports coverage featured at the beginning of the report.) Also, a big thanks to my good friend Danny G. for tipping me off to this story.]

Story of the Day: George Carlin Video Tribute

George Denis Patrick Carlin (1937-2008). Rest in peace, sir. And thank you. You will be missed.

We Like War

Early Carson Appearance

Religion Is Bullshit

The Wounded-Courier: McCain Camp Launches NameIsMcCainNotMcSame.com

In response to charges that John McCain's presidency would amount to a third term for George W. Bush, the McCain campaign debuted a new website today, NameIsMcCainNotMcSame.com.

The homepage explains, "Though John McCain does agree with President Bush on the necessity of the war in Iraq and staying there to get the job done, seeking to overturn Roe v. Wade, immunity for telecom companies' illegal wiretapping, not speaking with our enemies, offshore drilling, limiting legal rights of detainees, targeting Iran for attack, school vouchers, banning same-sex marriages, opposing increased education benefits for veterans, making current tax cuts permanent, the economy, healthcare, expanding genetically modified food production, and eliminating habeas corpus, or that he voted 95% of the time with the president in 2007 and 100% of the time in 2008, Senator McCain differs greatly with President Bush on a wide variety of issues."

The site goes on to list many of their divergent stances:

• President Bush drinks his coffee black; John McCain drinks his coffee black with one sugar.

• President Bush openly supports torture; John McCain, a fighter for the power of perception, publicly decries torture but supports it while voting in the Senate.

• President Bush prefers Jen; John McCain prefers Angelina.

• President Bush helped launch a new nuclear arms race around the world; John McCain wants to spearhead 45 new nuclear power plants right here in America.

• President Bush wanted Annie Hall to get back together with Alvy Singer; John McCain agreed with her decision to stay in Los Angeles with Tony Lacey.

• President Bush shows nothing but respect for his wife; John McCain, emblematic of his unyielding independence, publicly called his wife a cunt.

• President Bush is taller.

• President Bush prefers the caramel popcorn in a box of Cracker Jacks; John McCain prefers the peanuts. Also, the president gets much more excited about the prize.

• President Bush famously spoke in front of a backdrop that declared an ongoing war was over; John McCain recently made an address before a green screen that signaled his ongoing fight for the environment was over.

• President Bush is a breast man; John McCain is an ass man.

• According to a recent American Enterprise Institute study, President Bush is two-thirds less "mavericky."

• President Bush thinks Simon Cowell should be more compassionate to American Idol contestants; John McCain admires Simon's unvarnished opinions.

• President Bush was a hard-partying "C" student who got into Yale because of his father; John McCain was a hard-partying student who got into the U.S. Naval Academy because of his father, but graduated fifth from the bottom of his class.

• President Bush enjoyed Coldplay's second album for its hummability; John McCain thought it was "pussy."

• President Bush is the creepy uncle with a gambling problem; John McCain is the scary grandfather who spits when he screams.

• Watching the movie "Amadeus," President Bush saw himself in Mozart; John McCain felt Salieri's pain.

• President Bush smirks; John McCain grimaces.

• President Bush's dementia was hastened by years of chugging Wild Turkey and doing lines off strippers' backsides; John McCain earned his naturally, having roamed the earth since the days of the dinosaur.

• President Bush believed Miley Cyrus' Vanity Fair layout was in poor taste; John McCain understood her desire to shed her child-star persona.

• Sometimes President Bush feels like a nut; sometimes John McCain does not.

Op-Ed Column: Something Else to Learn from Tim Russert's Death

Whatever issues people had with Tim Russert's political coverage during the George W. Bush years (and I and many others outside the Beltway intelligentsia had many), I don't wish to raise them now. First, I'd like to extend my condolences to Tim Russert's family and friends. After watching the extensive and ongoing memorializing at MSNBC and NBC, it is clear that, despite what anybody thought of Russert as a journalist, he obviously had an incredibly positive impact on those closest to him - as a loving husband, father and son, as well as a supportive, good-natured and inspiring friend and colleague.

After days of eulogies on MSNBC and NBC and the subsequent response by some who feel the near 24/7 memorializing for Russert was overblown, I'm neither going to defend nor criticize the coverage. I'll only say that I'm not sure how one dictates how others should mourn a loved one. On the other hand, it also seems natural that an overwhelming public display of mourning, such as what Russert received, might be viewed as excessive by those who were not close to him and/or who thought his overall contribution to society and the world at large was less than spectacular.

I'd prefer to offer a different perspective entirely, one that impacts all of us no matter how we received news of his death and what we thought of its coverage.

As I watched the outpouring of love and admiration for Tim Russert and the genuine sorrow over his sudden and shocking passing, I was reminded of lines from a column titled "In Honor of My Mother and the Power of Love," which Norman Solomon wrote in January after he lost his mother, Miriam A. Solomon:

My mother did not die young (she was 86), but since then I’ve felt awful waves of sadness. And sometimes I think of people who are mourning loved ones of all ages, due to distinctly unnatural causes. The people dying in Iraq as a consequence of the U.S. war effort. The children in so many countries who lose their lives to the ravages of poverty. The health-care system in the United States that — in the absence of full medical coverage for everyone as a human right — means avoidable death and suffering on a large scale.

In mediaspeak and political discourse, the human toll of corporate domination and the warfare state is routinely abstract. But the results — in true human terms — add rage and more grief on top of grief.

It is a reality reflexively neglected in our mainstream media, and this neglect certainly desensitizes our citizens to the daily suffering of others, whether they live across town or in a different state, but especially if they live in another country, particularly one under military attack by the United States or its allies, or one suffering disproportionately due to unjust global economic policies or brutal human rights atrocities.

The corporate media, of course, is the prime enabler of this willful disregard, often overtly and subliminally inspiring its citizenry to not only believe ignorance is bliss but that "our way of life" - which, ironically, excludes millions of our own citizens - justifies the arbitrary humiliation, poverty, suffering and death of those who happen to be in the wrong place, at the wrong time, whether drowning in New Orleans, freezing to death on a street corner, or, as soldier or civilian, being emancipated from life by freedom's march in Iraq.

Still, if Solomon had said only that, if he had merely taken his personal mourning and applied it on a macro level to underscore the suffering and loss of those at home and abroad at the hands of "corporate domination and the warfare state," his words might have remained too abstract for many Americans who have long been conditioned to accept "collateral damage" with little or no knowledge - or who have no desire to gain such terribly depressing knowledge - of actual human devastation.

Instead, Solomon brought it back home in an effort, to paraphrase Franz Kafka, to use his essay as "the ax for the frozen sea within us." Solomon continued:

Our own mourning should help us understand and strive to prevent the unspeakable pain of others. And whatever love we have for one person, we should try to apply to the world.

Gandhi or Martin Luther King Jr. or Robert F. Kennedy circa 1968 could've written those words. Undoubtedly, such human beings, including Norman's mother, inspired them - everyone who has come before us who pushed the human race to not only understand that strength can be shown through peace, compassion and justice but that often blind aggression actually reveals weakness, ignorance and cowardice.

In the closing lines of his column, Solomon wrote:

After my mother died, I learned about a poem that she wrote long ago — apparently soon after her father passed away [who, like Tim Russert, also died too young and was beloved by his family and friends]. The poem is titled “Bereavement.” Here is how it ends:

More than cherished memories are left
Behind; they leave us — us
To know our duties and our powers
And to carry on without much fuss.

In the crushing grief of the moment, we think of how
vital and good our
loved ones were,
and vow to be worthy of them.

I say let those who loved Tim Russert mourn him anyway they see fit. But an additional tribute to his loss would be to remain ever aware of how one person's life can positively impact so many others and to actively see the media cover America and the world with this reality in mind, where every human life is afforded dignity and where no one's suffering or death is coolly rationalized.

Where we all acknowledge and remain conscious of the fact that each of our loved ones leave us - us.

The Wounded-Courier Editorial: Media's Lack of Focus on Puff Daddy's Name Change

Though the media did report this week that rap mogul P. Diddy changed his name back to Puff Daddy, its coverage was far too limited for such a newsworthy event.

To be fair, it was a busy news week. And we do commend the media for tackling the other stories that affect Americans and the world most: a pig wearing boots, foreigners trying to buy Budweiser's brewer, Hulk Hogan's wife dating a 19-year-old , a federal judge caught posting sexually explicit photos on his website, the sighting of a one-horned deer, how Preparation H shrinks love handles, why NYC is seeking more visas for hot foreign models, a pregnant male sea dragon, the scourge of "momnesia", an eight-limbed girl, scientists gone wild, and the groundbreaking study that found women in bikinis make men more impulsive.

We also think the media deserves credit for wasting precious little airtime, ink or pixels on lightweight stories such as Congressman Dennis Kucinich's introduction of 35 articles of impeachment against President Bush, the Senate's intelligence report confirming the Bush White House "led the nation to war [in Iraq] on false premises," the existence of the National Conference for Media Reform in Minneapolis, or why half a million South Koreans passionately protested against ending their country's ban on US beef imports.

Yes, the media at least had the good sense to almost completely side-step these puff pieces (pardon the pun!). But we feel it's also only fair to point out its lack of focus on Puff Daddy's name reversal, a quintessential American move that, in contemporary fashion, once again turns F. Scott Fitzgerald's famous statement on its head: "There are no second acts in American lives."

Sean "Puff Daddy" Combs, who's changed his name four to six times (depending on various sources), has once more proved his great contribution to music, America and the world. Just as John Lennon moved his generation to "Give Peace a Chance," telling them "All You Need Is Love," and encouraged people everywhere in "Power to the People" to join in solidarity against the corporate war machine, Puff Daddy inspired a generation to seek broader meaning, when he sang, "Young, black and famous, with money hangin' out the anus." Where Bob Dylan signaled the turning tide against stifling conformity and murderous hypocrisy with the lyrics, "You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows,"  Puff Daddy charted a new course of enlightenment with the subtle and trenchant lyrics, "Now puff rule the world, even though I'm young/I make it my biz to see that all ladies come (yeah)/Get 'em all strung from the tip of my tongue/Lick 'em places niggaz wouldn't dare put they faces (c'mon)."

And who can forget his wildly successful 2004 "Vote or Die" campaign?

Now, some may argue Puff Daddy's business practices for his Sean John clothing line, including the use of Honduras sweatshops and fur from tortured dogs in China, are a blot on his otherwise impressive artistic and humanitarian achievements. But we believe such incidents only reinforce the power of the American Dream - that regardless of your background, race or religion, whatever the humbleness of your beginnings, or even if you're a musician who can't play a musical instrument - "If I learned to play an instrument, it would take away from what I do..." (Puff Daddy) - you, too, may one day amass over $350 million dollars on the backs of Third World sweatshops and the brutal treatment of animals.

Maybe if the news media took the time to better understand Puff Daddy, his most recent name change would've received the attention it deserved. If only reporters had dug a little deeper, they might have found what Sean "Puff Daddy" Combs, in his humility and wisdom, revealed about himself when he asked about his preference for dressing in white: "I feel safe in white because, deep down inside, I'm an angel."

So we're giving the media fair warning now: the next time Puff Daddy changes his name - and he will - please don't make the same mistake twice. While we understand your need to cover other critical news stories, such as, say, a talking French goat that break dances, a baby who dispenses iced tea from his ear, a cross-dressing beaver named Todd, or a study finding most men enjoy fellatio, remember that Puff Daddy also weighs heavily on the lives of most Americans.

Story of the Day: The Big Story with the Least MSM Coverage? (Guess Again.)

What critical news story received less overall mainstream media coverage than Dennis Kucinich's introduction of 35 articles of impeachment against President Bush? What same news, with immense impact on our First Amendment rights, got even shorter shrift than last week's Senate Select Committee on Intelligence report confirming that the Bush administration "led the nation to war on false premises"?

Give up?

Here's a hint: Fox News, if inadvertently and riddled with falsehoods, devoted more attention to this story than almost any other news outlet.

The answer? The National Conference for Media Reform (NCMR).

You know, where all those "fascists" and "loons," who "live in an alternative universe," come together to revivify freedom of the press even though "about 50% of the liberals say [the media] is unbiased." (Please click on that link to see video of Bill O'Reilly, "journalist" Juan Williams - who officially forfeits any remaining semblance of journalistic credibility - and "political analyst" Mary Katherine Ham discuss the conference; it's a cartoonish example of what inspired the media reform movement to begin with.)

But "We'll Do It Live!" O'Reilly also sent his Factor producer-turned-"reporter" to ambush journalism legend Bill Moyers at the conference, with not quite the desired outcome. This, in turn, resulted in the only other coverage the NCMR received on TV, courtesy of O'Reilly nemesis Keith Olbermann.

Aside from O'Reilly's ludicrous Orwellian attacks on the NCMR and Olbermann's skewering of them, along with O'Reilly's little capo, news of the conference was blacked out on air, in print and online by big media outlets.

With one interesting exception.

Four of our nation's largest sources for business news - CNBC, CNN Money, BusinessWeek and Forbes - all reprinted an online variation of an Associated Press dispatch about the media reform conference.

And this makes perfect sense, doesn't it?

Even with massive losses in viewers and readers, big media conglomerates have no desire or intention to improve journalism. They fear a truly vigorous press, which is why their only interest in the National Conference for Media Reform is how such efforts might one day impact their bottom line.

[Ed. Note: Enjoy this critique? Subscribe to receive email alerts so you don't miss the next one (or the next media report or satire). Since MBH doesn't post daily, it's the best way to keep up. Just drop your email address in the top right-hand column above and look for your auto-confirmation email. You'll be done before another piece of Juan Williams' soul slips away.]

The Wounded-Courier: Jesus Denounces McCain, Endorses Obama

In a stunning turn of events Thursday, the Son of God endorsed Barack Obama for President while rejecting and distancing himself from presumptive Republican nominee John McCain.

Outside an Applebee's off the New Jersey Turnpike in Paramus yesterday, Jesus Christ told reporters, "Look, it's been a very divisive primary season between Barack and Hillary. I thought my support would aid the healing process and help unify the Democrats."

Asked if he was a registered Democrat, Jesus replied, "I'm actually registered with the Green Party. But no amount of faith and prayer will get their candidate elected." Christ clarified, "I perform miracles, but there are limits."

Why come out against John McCain?

"You don't have to be the Son of God to prophecy McCain wants to carry out Bush's third term," said Jesus, wearing a flag pin affixed to his traditional white robe. "Incidentally, maybe one of you guys can tell David Brooks there isn't a salad bar at Applebee's. Schmuck."

Later in the day, before Jesus took the stage to endorse the Illinois senator at a campaign rally in Arlington, VA, Obama said, "Well, I'm certainly not perfect, and I won't be a perfect president. Michelle has told me throughout the primary season, "'You're not the Second Coming, Barack.' And though she's right, I am proud and honored to tell you today that Jesus is by my side in this campaign for the White House. And I'm not speaking figuratively, Arlington. Ladies and gentlemen, all the way from the celestial realm, the Prince of Peace, the Mack Daddy of Nazareth, the original change agent - you know him, you love him, many of y'all even pray to him - let's give it up for Je-suuuuuuus Christ!"

Jesus plans to stump for Obama throughout the Bible Belt and other religious hotspots across America. But Obama campaign manager David Plouffe was quick to tamp down the sudden flurry of rumors about an Obama/Christ ticket.

"Of course we're thrilled to have the support of Jesus," says Plouffe. "And he would certainly make anyone's vice-presidential shortlist. But we've promised not to say anymore on the subject until we announce Barack's running mate."

On last night's Special Report with Brit Hume, Karl Rove, whom Jesus referred to as "Satan Lite" at the Arlington rally, told Hume, "We know Jesus is a very recognizable brand. But he has no prior campaign experience. So the jury's still out on his impact. How is Christ on the stump? He may be a skilled shepherd, but does he have that fire in the belly for the rough and tumble of campaigning? As my father used to say, Brit, just because you can turn water into wine, it doesn't mean you can build a birdhouse."

But on MSNBC's Countdown, Rachel Maddow pointed out some specific benefits of Jesus' direct support and counsel. "Well, for one thing, Obama doesn't have to worry about finding a new church to join until after the fall campaign. What will be really troublesome for McCain and the GOP, though, is they can't have it both ways. The can't question Obama's faith in Jesus Christ while the Son of God is literally riding shotgun on the 'Yes We Can' express." 

Speaking with CNN anchor Wolf Blitzer on The Situation Room, Candi Crowley cautioned that the big endorsement may backfire.

"In the end, Wolf, this may turn out to hurt the Illinois senator more than it helps him. We know Barack Obama is already vulnerable on national security. So I'm not sure how having the blessing of a guy who coined the phrase 'turn the other cheek' is only going to help him," explained Crowley. "And you can bet that Republicans will be combing through Jesus' past sermons, which include, just for starters, not only extreme preaching of non-violence but also impassioned instruction to, and I'm quoting Matthew 5:44, Wolf, 'Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.' Now, in the middle of the war on terror, it's hard to see how McCain won't hammer Obama on this."

Commenting on The O'Reilly Factor, host Bill O'Reilly said, "Look, we all know that Jesus means well. He always has and that's who he is. Fine. But here in the no-spin zone, we also can't ignore the facts. And the truth is, this guy was a radical going back to his original days on Earth. A hippie and an anarchist who couldn't hold down a job. Jesus Christ, again, a fine lord and savior. I give him full credit for that. But this guy single-handedly created the welfare state and he's the prince of appeasement. Trust me, Neville Chamberlain ain't got nothing on Jesus."

Whatever impact the endorsement might have, the White House was not happy about it.

Asked about Jesus' rejection of McCain and support for Obama, President Bush said, "That's, uh, just not the Jesus I know. It's really heart-breaking. In other words, I was once born again. Okay? And, uh, now I'm feeling a little unborn."

White House press secretary Dana Perino echoed the president's sentiments during this afternoon's press conference.

"Well, it's puzzling and sad. This is not the Jesus we know." Perino added, "And, frankly, his actions are not consistent with the guidance he's given us these past seven and a half years in the White House. Invade Iraq. Tap your phones. Torture's fine. Don't listen to the American people or the rest of the world. So now, after all this time, he's suddenly not George Bush's personal Jesus. I'm not buying it. And neither should you. I think he's done grave damage to his credibility in the mind of most Americans."

Jesus also dropped by The Late Show with David Letterman to read "Top Ten Reasons I'm Not Endorsing John McCain," which included: "Every time I see that blinky eye flutter, I can't help but think, 'Helter Skelter! Helter Skelter!'" "Bomb-bomb-bomb, bomb-bomb, Iran." "Three words: Secretary of Peace." "He is Bush on steroids, with a prostate the size of Texas." "His middle name is Sydney." "He's Dr. Strangelove without the German accent and advanced degrees." And the number one reason? "He called his wife a cunt."

A new 527 ad hit the networks this morning, attacking Obama's latest endorsement:

VISUAL: Series of photoshopped pictures of Barack Obama and Jesus Christ gambling in Atlantic City.

VOICE-OVER: He calls himself the Son of God. But who really is Jesus Christ?

Born to an out-of-wedlock mother and absentee father, Jesus was a direct product of the welfare state and later became a drain on the occupying Roman Empire.

Barack Obama says he's proud to have Jesus by his side. Maybe that's because Barack Obama would've fit right in with Jesus' ultra-liberal, sandal-wearing, appeasing flock or those Ivy League, latte-drinking Wise Men.

While John McCain is committed to winning the war in Iraq even if he has to kill every last Iraqi to do it and nuke Iran back to BC, Obama's closest spiritual advisor, Jesus Christ, continues to preach, "All they that take the sword shall perish by the sword."

Tell that to Ahmadinejad, Jesus.

Barack Hussein Obama. Jesus H. Christ. Two appeasers in a pod.

Don't roll the dice with our national security.

This message was paid for by Swift Boat Clergymen for Truth.

Charlie Crist, the Republican Florida governor who's often mentioned as a possible running mate for John McCain and is rumored to have dropped the "h" in his last name to avoid unfavorable comparisons to Christ, called Obama's acceptance of Jesus' endorsement "the most unholy example of political pandering" and Jesus "a flip-flopping, frankincense-and-myrrh-tea-sipping elitist."

"The fact is, there are many things we don't know about Jesus. Things we're supposed to take on nothing but faith," charged Crist. "We do know, however, that he came to the aid of prostitutes, drug addicts and beggars - the worst of society. And that he healed leapers, the blind, epileptics, a paralytic, a man with dropsy, cast out demons entering a herd of swine, and raised Lazarus from the dead. All well and good, until you consider he had no degree in medicine and no professional training. Which really calls into question his judgment. I call on Senator Obama to denounce Jesus immediately."

[Ed. Note: Enjoy this satire? Subscribe to receive email alerts so you don't miss the next one (or the next media critique or report). Since MBH doesn't post daily, it's not only the best way to keep up but you also won't be deluged by emails. And it's recession-proof (i.e. free). Just drop your email address in the top right-hand column above and look for your auto-confirmation email. You'll be done before Karl Rove builds another birdhouse.]

Special Report: One of the "Smartest People" Fareed Zakaria Knows?

"Deadly hawks come in many styles. Some have polished talons." - Norman Solomon

Fareed Zakaria debuted his new show for CNN this past Sunday. Introducing his program, called Fareed Zakaria GPS (as in Global Public Square, not Global Positioning System, though the latter might also apply), he explains:

FAREED ZAKARIA, HOST, "GPS": Welcome to the very first edition of "Global Public Square."  I'm Fareed Zakaria. For the last 20 years, I've been writing about the world. And now I have an opportunity to bring all of you along with me on what has been a fascinating adventure.

I know that right now to a lot of people, the world looks like a grim place. Almost every day you're bombarded with frightening headlines, stories of out-of-control governments and terrorists who want to kill you.

But beyond those headlines, the picture is actually much brighter. Economic growth and technology are raising people out of disease and poverty every day.

On this program, we'll try to understand the new forces shaping our world, both the good and the bad. And I'll talk to some of the world's great thinkers and doers -- people like former British Prime Minister Tony Blair, who will be joining me in a few minutes.

So, let's get started on what's going to be a hell of a ride.

My "built-in bullshit detector," to borrow Ernest Hemingway's phrase, was triggered by the words "some of the world's great thinkers and doers -- people like former British Prime Minister Tony Blair." But nothing could prepare me for what followed.

FAREED ZAKARIA: At water coolers across this country, people are talking about the American presidential election. But our strange drama is also gripping the rest of the world.

I gathered some of the smartest people I know to talk about this subject, and China, and Iran and anything else that comes up.

Hmm, can't wait to meet the panel.

FAREED ZAKARIA: Joining me are Christiane Amanpour, CNN's chief international correspondent...

Oh, Amanpour. I'm intrigued. And?

FAREED ZAKARIA: the European Union's ambassador to the United States and the former prime minister of Ireland, John Bruton...

Tell me more...

FAREED ZAKARIA: Minxin Pei, one of the world's top China scholars...

Hey, this might actually be a substantive geopolitical confab. Of course, no true progressives, anti-globalists, human rights representatives or anti-war activists but this is still CNN. Let's be realistic. At least, however, there's no knee-jerk sycophantic Bush lackey either. No mindless "fair and balanced" framework, where inane and dangerous ideas - many often already discredited - are given equal weight. So I'm interested. I've reserved my judgment. I'm ready to go along with Zakaria on this "hell of a ride." And I'm eager to hear who rounds out this more promising-than-usual panel.

FAREED ZAKARIA: ...and Douglas Feith, former undersecretary of defense, one of Donald Rumsfeld's key lieutenant's in President Bush's first term.

Cue the spit-take. (I actually did nearly spit my coffee across the room.) Feith?! Douglas Feith. One of the "smartest people" that Fareed Zakaria knows?

Donald Rumsfeld's under secretary of defense for policy? One of the primary architects of the occupation in Iraq and point man on circumventing the Geneva Conventions so torture and holding detainees indefinitely without charge or recourse was "legal"? The one who oversaw both the Counter Terrorism Evaluation Unit, which issued the bogus pre-war report linking Saddam Hussein with al Qaeda that helped sell the invasion, and the Office of Special Plans, which was in charge of the disastrous post-war planning? The schmendrick that former US Army General Tommy Franks, who led the invasions of Iraq and Afghanistan, called “the dumbest fucking guy on the planet” for his sparkling ideas? Whose work on Iraq former CIA chief George Tenet called "total crap"? The level-headed global strategist who Jay Garner, a former American administrator in Iraq, believes is "incredibly dangerous" and "a smart guy whose electrons aren't connected?" About whom Larry Wilkerson, Colin Powell's former chief of staff, said "Seldom in my life have I met a dumber man"?

The brilliant man who, as Chris Suellentrop wrote in Slate:

...[as reported by The New Yorker] intentionally excluded experts with experience in postwar nation-building, out of fear that their pessimistic, worst-case scenarios would leak and damage the case for war. In the Atlantic earlier this year, James Fallows told a similar story: The Pentagon did not participate in CIA war games about the occupation, because "it could be seen as an 'antiwar' undertaking" that "weakened the case for launching a 'war of choice.' " The State Department's Future of Iraq Project, an effort that accurately predicted some contingencies that the Pentagon overlooked, was dismissed by Feith and company out of hand.

That guy?

The same schmo who's said:

• “The main rationale [for invading Iraq] was not based on intelligence.”

• “I am talking about myself in the following sense: expertise is a very good thing, but it is not the same thing as sound judgment regarding strategy and policy. George W. Bush has more insight, because of his knowledge of human beings and his sense of history, about the motive force, the craving for freedom and participation in self-rule, than do many of the language experts and history experts and culture experts.”

• “The common refrain that the postwar has been a disaster is only true if you had completely unrealistic expectations.”

• Regarding diplomatic agreements with adversaries: “If we had mutual trust and real security, you wouldn’t need these agreements, and if you need these agreements, then it is an illusion to say that you have mutual trust and security."
  

• “The surprising thing is not that there are so many Jews who are neocons but that there are so many who are not.”
  

• "We certainly understood that these are the things that might happen. That’s why we wrote them down." (Feith's response in a recent 60 Minutes interview to Steve Kroft reading him portions of Rumsfeld's pre-war "Parade of Horribles" memo, which detailed what might go wrong in Iraq: "'The United States could become so absorbed with its Iraq effort that we pay inadequate attention to other serious problems; the war could cause more harm and entail greater costs than expected' - obviously it has; 'that it would not go on for two to four years but eight to 10 years; terrorist networks could improve their recruiting and fundraising as a result our being depicted as anti-Muslim; Iraq could experience ethnic strife among Kurds, Sunnis and Shia; it could damage our relationship with our allies and our reputation in the world community.' Did you think that one or two of these would happen?" "One of the things that is reflected in this memo," said Feith, "is secretary Rumseld's deeply held view that it's foolish to try to predict the future." Kroft replied, "Well, as it turned out, he was pretty good at anticipating problems because virtually all of these things have happened.")

Yes, that Douglas Feith, who is not only a disastrous foreign policy thinker with no regard for domestic or international law, but a dangerous propagandist whose views have been roundly discredited and whose reputation, in the minds of most sentient beings, has been irrevocably tarnished by his thoughts and deeds.