The Wounded-Courier: Giuliani and Media Take Aim at None of the Above

DES MOINE – After Rudy Giuliani's apology Friday morning for having said he visited the toxic 9/11 site “as often, if not more, than most of the workers,” the Republican presidential front-runner eagerly shifted the focus.

While campaigning in Iowa later that day, Giuliani attacked the one candidate he’s still trailing in the polls.

“When I said that the Democrats running for president are wussies,” Giuliani told a lunchtime crowd outside Dale’s Famous Original Grinders, “I should’ve pointed out an even bigger wussy than the Democrats. And that’s None of the Above.” The assembly of sandwich seekers fell dumbstruck as America’s Mayor explained, “If None of the Above had, as they say where I’m from, cajones, he would finally declare his candidacy. He’d debate me on the issues. He’d stop hiding behind a cowardly, or wussy-like, anonymity.”

Taking Giuliani’s lead, Fox News anchor Bill O’Reilly targeted None of the Above in his “Talking Points” segment on Friday's The O’Reilly Factor.

“Talking Points has recently obtained information on None of the Above that is none too savory,” revealed O’Reilly. “Talking Points won’t disclose all of this information, or our exhaustive fact-checking methods used to confirm it. But Talking Points will tell you this about the supposedly unblemished record of None of the Above: he’s pro-choice, he wants universal healthcare and he enjoys sodomizing sheep. Now, Talking Points understands everyone has their own particular sexual peccadilloes. But universal healthcare? C’mon, None of the Above,” scolded O’Reilly. “As Talking Points has noted time and again, the Castro-ization of our healthcare system is the third rail of politics for any serious Republican candidate. In fact, according to a new poll conducted by Talking Points just before we aired tonight, Talking Points says you’d be better off promoting man-on-sheep love. And that’s the memo.”

Speaking to Wolf Blitzer on CNN's The Situation Room, noted political analyst and pollster Frank Luntz agreed with Giuliani’s approach to None of the Above. Said Luntz, “Mark my words, with this savvy attack by Rudy, you’re going to watch None of the Above’s lead in the polls evaporate over the next couple of weeks.” Luntz added, “This is why the Democrats are so worried about Rudy Giuliani in a national election. Here’s a guy who doesn’t mince words, who’s not afraid to attack his opponents - even before they exist.”

Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards, who chastised Giuliani for his comments about Ground Zero workers, criticized America’s Mayor again today during a town hall meeting in Ames, Iowa.

“When I referred to Rudy Giuliani’s derogatory statement the other day about our brave 9/11 first responders as evidence he’s taken a break from reality,” said Edwards, “I couldn’t have known the depths of Mr. Giuliani’s delusional episodes until watching him attack a candidate who doesn't exist. This man is right out of Dr. Strangelove. How long before we’ll hear Rudy Giuliani talking about how we must defend ourselves from a ‘conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids.’”

Giuliani’s campaign struck back immediately. His communications director Katie Levinson released a statement, saying, “None of the Above might be an empty statistic to Mr. Edwards, but Mr. Giuliani is in the trenches every day doing battle with this slippery adversary. Oh, and uh…haircut, John Edwards, haircut, John Edwards, haircut, haircut, socialist, John Edwards, not meaty enough, haircut, haircut, John Edwards.”

It appears Giuliani’s tactic to draw out None of the Above might be working.

A spokesperson for CNN notified The Wounded-Courier today that None of the Above is scheduled to make his debut national appearance in the first half-hour of Larry King Live on Tuesday. In the second half-hour, a couple of dust mites that once clung to Anna Nicole Smith’s body will join Mr. King.

Comments

[MediaBloodhound]

Giuliani and Media Take Aim at None of the Above

[edrita]

"In the second half-hour, a couple of dust mites that once clung to Anna Nicole Smith’s body will join Mr. King."

Now that's a whole lotta funny!!!

[attytood will]

How many wives has "None of the Above" had?

[MediaBloodhound]

I'll have to check with O'Reilly's crack investigative staff and get back to you, Will.

[Straight Flush]

If None of the Above were a candidate he'd win every election. Nice post!