The Wounded-Courier:
Democrats Sign Resolution for Presidential “Timeout"
WASHINGTON, DC - In a stepped-up slap on the wrist, Senate Democrats, led by Carl M. Levin (D-Michigan), agreed on Friday to a bipartisan resolution calling for a mandatory timeout for President Bush.
Facing reporters on Capitol Hill, Senator Levin explained, “Some might say this doesn’t go far enough. But just imagine the impact had someone only forced a five-to-ten minute timeout on Attila the Hun, Adolph Hitler or Idi Amin. Even Richard Nixon. If they’d only been given a little breathing room to reconsider their actions, there’s no telling what kind of about-face might have occurred, how many lives might have been spared.”
In between a town hall text-messaging meeting in Cleveland with Pro-Life Home-Schooling Single Carnie Mothers for Jesus (PLHSSCMJ) and en route to a NRA-sponsored club-and-shoot veal roast in Des Moines, Senator Hillary Clinton (D-New York) said she supported the resolution but stressed that more needs to be done.
“Though this sends a clear message I am not on board with this president’s failed Iraq policy while providing me enough wiggle room that it won’t come back to haunt me in 2008, saying it’s not going far enough also sends a signal I’m taking a tougher stand than I really am.” Senator Clinton added, “This president has got to understand that he will not derail my presidential run. I promised the American people that I was in this to win it. No matter how many U.S. troops and Iraqis die, I pledge to work harder than anyone in Congress to make sure my campaign is positioned for victory.”
Senator Russ Feingold (D-Wisconsin), the lone Democratic voice in the Senate to oppose this resolution, appeared on the radio program Democracy Now! on Friday. Speaking with host and alleged terrorist sympathizer Amy Goodman, Feingold said, “Everyone knows you don’t bring a knife to gunfight. Well, you also don’t replace that knife with a big foam finger.” Feingold further argued, “Far from emboldening the enemy, this resolution makes the Vichy government look like it had a set of brass ones.”
But some critics of this resolution see it quite differently than Senator Feingold.
Conservative blogger Michelle Malkin wrote, “It has come to pass in America that sedition is now a form of patriotism. In any other country in the world, these members of Congress who sign this bill, Democrat or Republican, would be blindfolded, lined up against a wall and shot. Their families would lie awake in terror wondering if they’re next. And the citizens, relieved their republic had been defended from homegrown insurgents, would rightly rejoice in the streets. For those of you who don’t know, that’s called justice. Something we don’t see much of in America today. Instead, we are witnessing the insidious impact of unchecked liberalism - what happens, as the Prince song says, ‘When Doves Cry.’”
Appearing on Today, columnist Ann Coulter told host Matt Lauer that “death is the easy way out for those who sign this resolution.” She went on to explain, “I’ve given it a lot of thought, Matt. You know, should we behead them? Burn them at the stake? A good stoning, maybe? Death by a thousand cuts, literally? Have crows pluck out their eyes and peck away at their desiccated sun-stroked bodies while illegal aliens are forced to slather them with clover honey and pour buckets of fire ants over their heads? Hahaha! But, Matt, death really is too lenient for these treasonous liberal cretins. These flag-burning Constitutional trollops. Permanent extraordinary rendition is the only thing that makes sense to me.”
“Do you think maybe that’s going a little too far?" asked Lauer. "That you wouldn’t reconsider your stand that death alone wouldn’t suffice as punishment for these crimes?” Coulter, enraged by the question, let out a piercing shriek, raked a claw across Lauer’s cheek, spread her wings and took flight from the studio, injuring 10 other Today staff members, three seriously, before crashing through a window and mauling a Swedish family sitting atop a passing New York Apple tour bus.
